Book Summary: How To Work With Just About Anyone
"I just can't seem to get along with this person!"
Every office has that one difficult person to work with, who
affects productivity due to a terrible attitude, chronic
tardiness, or simply drives everyone else up the wall. Here
is the answer to common problems in conflict management.
Dealing with negative behavior, whether at work or at home,
can be solved with three steps:
Get to the heart of the matter.
Determine what problem-solving methods to avoid so you don't
perpetuate the conflict.
Choose a different, surprising approach to solve the problem
and keep it solved.
Finally, here is your key to some peace and sanity in the
workplace, drawn from forty years of research and professional
experience in consulting on the prevention and management of
How difficult behavior is reinforced:
People use the same solution that never brings new results.
The answer is to try something radically different. Employ a
totally new approach and choose your response carefully.
Why we fail to change negative behavior:
1. We are caught in the web of our own logic.
2. We don't realize we are doing the same things over and over.
3. We can't think of anything better to try.
This three-question formula can lead you to a new strategy:
1. What is the primary problem? Be specific. How exactly does it affect productivity?
2. What have you been doing about your problem so far? Identify the logic of your favorite solution.
3. What do you need to do instead? You need to undo what your ineffective solution did. Attack with a brand new set of weapons.
Focus on the facts. Figure out what the heart of the matter is:
1. List all the issues affecting you.
2. Decide which issue or who in particular is bothering you the most.
3. Encircle the issue or person's name on your list.
4. Focus on what you circled. List all the things that bother you about this person.
5. Now pick the problem to work on. If you could only fix one item on the list, and had to live with all the others, what would you choose?
6. Then with the particular problem chosen, spell out specifically: Who is doing what that presents a problem, to whom, and how is this behavior a problem?
The 4 ways to get bogged down in "whys" and therefore confused
by superfluous issues:
1. Focusing on possible reasons for someone's behavior
2. Speculating about what the person is up to
3. Labeling behavior instead of describing it
4. Worrying about who is right or wrong
Use reverse psychology!
1. Do something unexpected. Sometimes shock tactics or being brutally honest works.
2. Encourage the person to keep doing what it is that is irritating behavior. It is strange but encouraging people to continue their irritating behavior gets them to stop it.
3. Have fun experimenting with your new approaches!
4. Tell someone not to change what he is doing.
5. Create consequences or let the natural consequences of his negative behavior occur.
6. Urge someone to do the annoying actions even more
New Conflict Management Techniques
1. Do not offer a long list of reasons why someone should change. Simply tell them what needs to be done. The more you
rationalize or argue the more they will resist. You will be
wasting time and energy.
2. In the face of constant criticism, silently take note of what is being said, then read the notes back - instead of actively defending each point.
3. Make statements ("Unless it creates a problem for you, I'm
going to do X")
4. Give a specific compliment to the other party in a conflict.
("I like the way you presented your report - your lineup of
facts made it easy to follow") It catches them off-guard and
makes him/her less defensive.
5. Excuse yourself for a minute in the midst of a heated discussion to go to the toilet instead of escalating the argument.
6. Hold back for thirty minutes instead of rushing to fix a problem for someone else.
Other "happy workplace" tips:
1. Keep an open mind about why the person behaves in such a manner.
2. See both sides of the situation, not just yours.
3. Be very specific when analyzing the problem. Make a mental
videotape of the behavior.
4. Notice when it isn't happening. Understand why. You may have
overlooked something you did that didn't result in the other
person's annoying behavior.
5. Find someone with immunity and see how he or she successfully handles the troublesome behavior that you're struggling with.
By: Regine P. Azurin and Yvette Pantilla
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Regine Azurin is the President of a company that provides business book summaries of the latest bestsellers for busy executives and entrepreneurs.
Veteran journalist Cokie Roberts, who joined an upstart NPR in 1978 and left an indelible imprint on the growing network with her coverage of Washington politics before later going to ABC News, has died. She was 75.
Roberts died Tuesday because of complications from breast cancer, according to a family statement.
A bestselling author and Emmy Award winner, Roberts was one of NPR's most recognizable voices and is considered one of a handful of pioneering female journalists — along with Nina Totenberg, Linda Wertheimer and Susan Stamberg — who helped shape the public broadcaster's sound and culture at a time when few women held prominent roles in journalism.
Indie press Galley Beggar has warned of the impact a no-deal Brexit could have on publishing after learning of "crazy" government requirements on distribution and warned it could put smaller publishers out of business.
The Norwich-based independent, which recently scored a Booker Prize nomination with Lucy Ellmann's Ducks, Newburyport, fears smaller publishers could be put out of business over legal uncertainty around Brexit.
Galley Beggar founder Sam Jordison outlined concerns around UK government and Publishers' Association guidance, and in particular government guidance suggesting that publishers will need to state country of origin or International Organization of Standardization (ISO) codes for their inventory. The government published its Yellowhammer contingency plan which details "worst case" scenarios for a no-deal Brexit last week. The document warned of channel crossing delays and disrupted trade across the Irish border...
... "We're terrified, we are genuinely terrified. There's all kinds of other reasons to object to Brexit but from a practical point of view it's going to completely screw us. The main concern is that this is potentially going to put people out of business. Not even potentially, it is going to put people out of business. Our margins are small so rising costs are already a nightmare – that's only going to get worse. Paper, transport are going to go up – even with a deal that stuff is problematic." ...
Elena Ferrante, the Italian author whose Neapolitan novels became a global phenomenon, is to publish a new book in Italy on 7 November – her first novel in four years.
Bestselling author Jojo Moyes has called on the government and the publishing industry to do more about the UK's "shameful" adult literacy record. In 2018, Moyes, writer of global hits including Me Before You and The Girl You Left Behind, donated three years of funding to charity the Reading Agency for its Quick Reads scheme, saving it from closure when its previous sponsorship ran out.
While she was "proud to be able to help out as a private individual", she is furious at what she calls governmental and industry failure to understand the importance of Quick Reads.
Dorothea Benton Frank, author of 20 novels set in the Charleston area and a beloved figure who for years split her time between Sullivan's Island and the New York City area, died Monday evening after a brief illness. She was 67.
Amazon has broken the worldwide embargo on Margaret Atwood's The Testaments (Nan A. Talese), which isn't supposed to go on sale until next Tuesday, September 10, inadvertently shipping about 800 copies to customers. This has infuriated indies, led to early reviews of the book around the world--revealing basic elements, and caused exclusive excerpts to be published earlier than planned. Altogether, the embargo violation stained the release of one of the biggest books of the fall season, Atwood's long-awaited sequel to The Handmaid's Tale.
In response to the situation, publisher Penguin Random House issued this statement: "A very small number of copies of Margaret Atwood's The Testaments were distributed early due to a retailer error which has now been rectified.... Not naming Amazon and attributing the problem to "a retailer error" irritated many indie booksellers for a number of reasons: some pointed out that if their stores had sold copies of the book early, it would be considered an embargo violation and likely lead to punishments, such as not receiving embargoed books ahead of publication date in the future. Many speculated PRH will not do anything of the sort with Amazon.
In a series of tweets, Raven Book Store, Lawrence, Kan., succinctly outlined the problem:
"It should come as no surprise that a certain huge online retailer is selling this book very close to our cost; if we sold it at their price we'd make $1.73 per copy. We've discussed before how this is unfair, and how we deal with it.
But now, not only is the huge online retailer selling it for a price we can't compete with, but they shipped out copies a week early. This increases the likelihood that someone who got it early uploads a bootleg copy online, cutting into sales for everyone.
It also gave de facto permission to places like the New York Times and NPR to publish spoiler-heavy reviews, which deflates the mysterious buzz about what's in the book. It's likely that less mystery means less vital first-week sales for everyone. I hope we're wrong."
Chanel Miller was known by the pseudonym Emily Doe at the trial of Stanford student Brock Turner, who was sentenced to six months in county jail for the assault. The sentence caused widespread anger given that Turner could have been jailed for up to 14 years for the crime. Many believed Turner had been given a lenient sentence because he was a white athlete from a prominent university, Stanford. Turner repeatedly claimed alcohol was to blame and that the encounter was consensual, while his father called the attack "20 minutes of action".
Miller is now releasing a memoir, Know My Name, which her publisher says will "change the way we think about sexual assault forever". Miller's 7,000-word statement at the trial garnered millions of views around the world when it was published online in 2016. She will also appear on CBS's 60 Minutes later this month and extracts from the interview, including Miller reading the statement, have been released this week.
Hundreds of readers in the US have received early copies of Margaret Atwood's heavily embargoed follow-up to The Handmaid's Tale, The Testaments, after copies were shipped out early by Amazon.
Security around the novel had been as tight as anything mounted for JK Rowling or Dan Brown's blockbuster releases – the judges for the Booker prize, who shortlisted The Testaments for the award on Wednesday, were warned they would be held liable if their watermarked copies leaked. But since Tuesday, readers have been posting images on Twitter of their freshly delivered copies, a week before the novel's official release on 10 September.
And The Guardian have just published an (officially approved) excerpt--see link below:
The shortlist for The Booker Prize, the U.K.'s top prize for fiction, has been announced. The list includes two former winners, Margaret Atwood and Salman Rushdie--even though Atwood's book doesn't publish until next week:
Margaret Atwood (Canada), The Testaments (Vintage, Chatto & Windus)
Lucy Ellmann (U.S./U.K.), Ducks, Newburyport (Galley Beggar Press)
Bernardine Evaristo (U.K.), Girl, Woman, Other (Hamish Hamilton)
Chigozie Obioma (Nigeria) An Orchestra of Minorities (Little Brown)
Salman Rushdie (U.K./India) Quichotte (Jonathan Cape)
Elif Shafak (U.K./Turkey) 10 Minutes 38 Seconds in This Strange World (Viking)
Reese Witherspoon has named Lara Prescott's debut novel The Secrets We Kept as her September book club choice. This thrilling historical fiction, which publishes on September 3, is inspired by the true story of the CIA plot to infiltrate the hearts and minds of Soviet Russia with the greatest love story of the twentieth century: Doctor Zhivago. The Secrets We Kept is also a great hit with the 20 BookBrowse members who reviewed it for our First Impressions program--rating it a stellar 4.7 stars!